Quick, what comes to mind when you think of a marriage proposal? Probably a man on bended knee. Well, now you need to add a lady doing squats to that image of betrothal bliss. Because the new trend out there is something called “proposal shape.” Yes, that’s right: Before you’re a shredded bride, you now need to be a fit fiancée.

It’s no longer enough to be skinny when you say “I do.” A number of today’s women are pressuring themselves to be hard-bodied by the time they say “Yes.” As in, “Yes, I’ll marry you! Just let me do a few burpees before we take a selfie so I can tighten my glutes in this fantastically new, flattering bodycon dress I happened to throw on even though I had absolutely no idea you were going to propose this evening! Hold my kettlebell.”

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Proposal shape is a tight and curvy metaphor for how out of whack our expectations of the whole wedding process are and the ridiculous pressure women place on themselves during the whole bridal experience. Girlfriends who are pre-fiancées—let’s call them “preancées”—are spending big bucks to hire trainers and take extra core fusion and yoga classes to achieve what they perceive as an engagement-ready BMI.

I have strong suspicions that a man who wants to ask his girlfriend to spend the rest of their lives together truly doesn’t care—and may not even notice—if she’s dropped five pounds in anticipation. It’s safe to say that a woman focused on getting into proposal shape is doing it for herself. I think I can speak for most women when I say we’re excellent at convincing ourselves we need to alter the way we look in order to be worthy of a milestone. The girlfriend furiously attaining proposal shape thinks she’s not enough, or, rather, in the case of her body, is too much.

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And maybe, just maybe, she’s thinking of her followers on social media. As a married lady (married twice, in fact), I’m relieved that my engagements took place before I was on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I’m in my 40s, and I got married and became a mother in my 40s, and I’m astonished by the compulsion brides have today to make every step of their relationship journey public. Not just public, but attractive, shiny, and filtered to perfection.

I’ve always thought the romance of a proposal comes from its intimacy, not from any kind of dramatic ring reveal or surprise wrangling of family and friends. Something about that life-changing promise to each other wants to be quiet and shouldn't call for spectacle—including a spectacular body, no matter how hard-won.

Granted, there are those who want to drop weight and bolster strength for health reasons, which is a laudable goal. When you’re headed to the altar (or chuppah or courthouse) to vow to love each other “in sickness and in health,” you really want to tip the scales toward the health side for a long, happy life together. Those well-meaning preancées (and preancés, for that matter) aside, it’s the superficiality of the proposal shape quest that can get one’s athleisure in a wad. It dramatizes a lack of perspective on what really matters at a special time of your life. It’s a focus on selfies rather than “us-ies.”

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Look, I understand wanting to feel beautiful when someone pops the question. When my husband proposed to me, I’d just had a miscarriage. I was slightly fleshier than I wanted to be, and both my body and heart were raw and vulnerable. But when I see the photo a Roman nun took of us in front of the fountain where we got engaged (no bended knee, just equal footing), all I see are our smiles. My proposal shape was happy and grateful.

Faith Salie is the author of the memoir Approval Junkie.

At first glance, the Stealth Core Trainer might remind you of a piece of workout gear from a late-night infomercial. (Anyone else remember the Ab Dolly?) But unlike the as-seen-on-TV equipment now gathering dust under countless beds around the country, the Stealth gadget involves an addictive video game that might just help you stick to a regular core workout. The device and its app actually make planks fun.

Skeptical? Here’s how it works: The Stealth is like a balance board. The platform sits on an unstable base, and you rest your forearms on top, in plank position. Between your arms, there is a slot for your phone.

Once you hit start on the video game, you play by changing your plank position ever so slightly to explode colorful targets. Each round consists of isometric plank holds, subtle forward and backward tilts, and twists and dips to work your obliques.

There are two models, the Personal ($199, amazon.com), which is a little smaller, a bit cheaper, and meant for at-home use; and the Professional ($299, amazon.com), which is designed for use in gyms.

Fresh off a recent plank challenge of my own, I was psyched when the folks at Stealth offered to send me a trainer to try. It took just a few attempts for me to get the hang of it. I learned quickly that the faster I shifted around in plank position, the more points I could rack up in the game before my core started trembling and I had to call it quits. Surprisingly, time flew by–and before I knew it, a minute was up. After two weeks, I could hold a plank for 90 seconds–and I had nearly tripled my score from 41 to 111.

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More than a little competitive, I felt a twinge of pride every time I hit a new record time, or a new high score. If I didn't beat my score the following day, what was even the point of trying?! (Okay maybe I'm too competitive.) But seriously, knowing you can probably eke out a few more points each day may be enough to keep you coming back for more, too. 

I made an account so I could log onto the app and see how my scores compared to other Stealth plankers. I tinkered with the filters on the leaderboard, and found that sorting by age, sex, and location revealed some impressive stats: Other women my age in the U.S. were racking up hundreds and hundreds of points; some were holding planks for longer than five minutes. With some diligence, I figured I could crack the top 20–a new competitive drive to keep me hooked!

But there was one downside I discovered: While becoming hyper-focused on my score was 100% helpful in terms of distracting me from the slow tick-tock of the clock, I began sacrificing good plank form to score additional points in the game. On certain days, my arms and shoulders felt like they got a better workout than my core–and I knew I needed to refocus on dominating the game from my abs.

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If you have a competitive nature, it’s worth checking out the Stealth Core Trainer. Yes, it’s pricey (and takes up a good amount of space), but it might be the fun addition your core routine desperately needs.

Take away seasonal stress and find your zen.

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The fitness fanatics out there probably know the feeling of pushing yourself to the max in a workout. But a holistic approach to health and wellness involves movement, nutrition, and regeneration, says Alicia Agostinelli, a personal trainer and yoga instructor at Equinox Seaport Square in Boston. And while many avid gym-goers tend to be up to date when it comes to the latest HIIT craze or health food trends, most people falter when it comes to the recovery component, both for the body and the mind.

Practicing self-care strategies during your workouts and in your free time can help you come back stronger, and in a more peaceful headspace—not to mention they make exercise that much more enjoyable. Steal some tips from these top trainers who manage to sweat it out hardcore and still make self-care priority.

Try a breathing exercise

“In session, I connect to my breath. I try to practice 4-7-8 breathing [breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for seven, then exhale for eight] a couple of times every hour to help me reduce stress and regulate my parasympathetic nervous system.” —Matt Delaney, CSCS, innovation coordinator and a Tier X coach at Equinox

Be your own biggest fan

“It took years, but I genuinely view fitness as an opportunity to be a better version of myself, to build myself up, and let my strengths guide me, while looking at weaknesses with a sense of compassion. When I need to rest during a tough core series, it's okay. I'm stronger than I was a year ago, and isn't that the point? It's so much more satisfying to push yourself to the tune of ‘yes I can’ than to be afraid of failing or feeling like you're somehow not good enough if you don't perform the way you wanted to. Your mental game affects how you feel emotionally and how you perform physically, so I always make sure my inner voice is pumped up, ready to rise up to a challenge, but is ready to celebrate every moment of the work I put in.” —Emily Walsh, a Boston-based instructor at SLT

Warm up, cool down, and hydrate

“I practice self-care while exercising by including a dynamic warm-up before any workout and a good stretch after. I also have water with me at all times to stay hydrated.” —Michelle Lovitt, a California-based trainer and author of Exercise For Your Muscle Type: the Smart Way to Get Fit

Get off Instagram at the gym

“The most important self-care action I can take during my workouts is to let my mind be in my workout 100%. I’ve had to create a rule so that I am not responding to emails, checking social media, or replying to texts when I workout. If I can escape and truly enjoy my workout, my life is fantastic.” —Holly Perkins, CSCS, author of Lift To Get Lean and founder of the online health and fitness platform Women’s Strength Nation

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Keep an eye on the 'why'

“I am all about the whys behind the workout: why am I doing it, what will it achieve, and how will it make me feel. I am not a numbers-oriented person, so this is a way I track my progress and motivate myself to keep going.” —Aly Raymer, senior lead instructor and director of talent at B/SPOKE Studios, an indoor cycling studio in Boston

Tune into your body

“The best way to practice self-care during exercise is be conscious and listen to your body. Don’t ignore the signs of your body. I stretch whatever muscle I work after a workout and I try to treat myself to a massage once a month if possible.” —Scott Weiss, CSCS, a physical therapist and trainer in New York

Wear your favorite gear

“I am mindful of what I wear. I know that sounds silly, but when I feel good in my clothing and am wearing the right pieces for the workout, I will work out harder. If I am wearing something that doesn't fit well or is too thin (think: see-through in yoga!) I will be distracted the entire practice.” —Raymer

Meditate on the reg

“I have a very dedicated meditation practice that I do mornings and evenings. It literally keeps my head on straight. For me it’s critical that I work on my internal dialogue and remind myself to speak lovingly and in a supportive manner. I can get into trouble really fast if I don’t keep an eye on this. But when I am on track, my mental attitude really does help me live a happier life and accomplish more each day. And my body thrives on it.” —Perkins

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Journal

“I write in a gratitude journal every single morning, listing three things that I’m thankful for from the past 24 hours, and I also read a passage from a book that a good friend gave me called Journey to the Heart. It helps me get my mind right and I feel a lot more calm before jumping into a busy day.” —Emily Abbate, an ACE-certified trainer and creator of the new podcast Hurdle

Snap pictures

“Photography is my self-care. I picked up the hobby a couple of years ago and have made it part of my daily life ever since. It gives me an opportunity to step away from my normal schedule and get lost in the world around me for a little while. It's has also helped me separate from technology because my eyes are always on my surroundings looking for interesting photo opportunities and no longer buried in my phone.” —Delaney

Get organized

“I keep my work, home, and training environments clean and orderly. Keeping things free from clutter has been proven to keep you on track and better at maintaining your goals.” —Weiss

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Have a Sunday check-in

“Every Sunday, ask yourself: ‘What am I doing to take care of my mind and body this week? Can I add something to my daily routine that will rest or refresh me? Can I take something out that is no longer serving me?’ Recovery and regeneration is the often forgotten third leg of a three-legged stool. When we check in both on and off the exercise mat and implement changes that benefit our health wellness, we leave our workouts and enter our personal and work lives refreshed and recovered.” —Agostinelli

Eat well

“My self-care outside of working out is to make sure I eat healthy, organic, non-processed foods. This is so important to my energy levels and mental functioning and clarity during my busy weeks of working out myself and my clients.” —Lovitt

Do something that brings you joy every day

“I rely on so many different methods to keep me stress-free and take care of myself beyond exercising. I write in a journal, I watch a good film, I go out and take photos. I make sure to incorporate some activity in my day-to-day that brings me joy and fulfillment.” —Sarah Coppinger, an instructor at indoor cycling studio The Handle Bar

Wake up with the birds

“During the week, I set my alarm 45 minutes to one hour earlier than I actually need to get up so I can enjoy some quiet time drinking fresh-ground coffee, enjoying a healthy breakfast, and writing in my journal. Being a small business owner, my days can be long and sometimes a little chaotic. Giving myself a little me time in the morning is a priority. It allows me to start the day off a little slower.” —Becca Lucas, owner of Barre & Anchor, a barre studio in Weston, Massachusetts

This quick routine combines yoga and high-intensity interval training for a full-body burn.