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Health24.com | This is one of the main reasons people cheat, according to science
The number of women who admit to doing the dirty (aka a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse) has increased by 40% in the past 20 years.
But is modern life the cause or merely an opportunity? WH looks for the definitive answer to infidelity’s nature versus nurture debate.
It was the ultimate love rat – or should we say, love vole – story. The Jude Law of the animal world. Until science stepped in. One gene-altering brain injection and the Don Juan rodent fell in love.
It was 2004 and the world had just taken one giant step closer to discovering the monogamy gene, thanks to neuroscientist Dr Larry Young and his vole.
Read more: “I cheated on my husband – and this is why I did it”
Today, 92% of us want to be faithful, but only 8% of us are managing it. Men are almost twice as likely to do the dirty as women (22% compared with 12%) and one-fifth of cheaters admit that they do it regularly.
It seems that we love to love, but are drawn to cheat. And Dr Young’s voles are only part of the story…
In the decades since his groundbreaking study, the men and women in white coats have dug deeper into our DNA, discovering genes, brain wiring and hormones that encourage some of us to stray.
But there’s more to this story than a dodgy double helix. A cocktail of social changes is now interacting with physiological factors, pushing us even further away from fidelity. We’re living in the age of the perfect cheating storm.
All in the genes?
Blaming biology for a wandering eye seems like the ultimate “dog ate my homework” excuse – my genes made me do it. But they do play a part. In 2008, Swedish researcher Hasse Walum looked at how genes impact relationships. His findings were fascinating.
“He took DNA samples from 552 men and asked them detailed questions about their relationships,” explains Dr Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and human behaviour researcher.
“Men with no copies of the specific gene – allele 334 – had very stable relationships, while men with one copy had less stable relationships and men with two copies had the least stable relationships.”
Sadly, you can’t drag your potential Mr Right down to the pharmacy for an allele 334 test, yet (although we may be able to in the future), says neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain.
And there isn’t a genetic equivalent for women. “That doesn’t mean there isn’t one,” she says. “We just haven’t found it yet!”
Read more: The 5 love languages might completely transform your relationship – here’s how
But we do already know that men and women work similarly: studies of twins separated at birth have shown that if one twin is unfaithful, the other has a higher rate of infidelity – and this rule is true for both sexes.
Meanwhile, in a recent US study, a variation of the gene DRD4, called 7R+, was linked to promiscuous behaviour in both men and women.
“Not everyone with this genotype will have one-night stands or commit adultery,” explains researcher Justin Garcia. “The study merely suggests that a much higher proportion of those with this genetic type are likely to engage in these behaviours.”
No study has yet found the genetic smoking gun, the one definitive switch or trigger that makes some men Lotharios and others loyal Labradors. But together these studies show how some of us have DNA drivers that push us closer to cheating. The genes we’re born with lay the foundation for infidelity.
Humping hormones
Upon these genetic foundations sit the building blocks of modern life: those burning stars of circumstance that align to create an infidelity black hole and the other side of the cheating story.
Of course, our hectic, stressed, always-connected-but-more-alone-than-ever lives create more opportunity for us to cheat than ever before.
Our very definition of cheating has been altered – an Ashley Madison or secret Tinder profile, stealth sexting… But concurrently, these circumstances do more than just provide occasion, they’re actually rewiring our biological and neural pathways, leaving us more prone to succumbing to temptation.
Read more: This is why people start to lose interest in sex, according to science
“First, there’s oxytocin, shown to facilitate bonding between mating pairs of animals,” says neuroeconomist Paul Zak, author of The Moral Molecule: The Source of Love and Prosperity.
Oxytocin is built up by touching, hugging and kissing – a shed-load of it is pumped out after sex – and high levels are great at keeping us faithful.
“In a study of more than 1 000 men and women, it was the two percent who didn’t release enough oxytocin who had trouble in their relationships and racked up more sexual partners.”
But life today? Not so great for our O levels. First, that very modern breed of stress – the chronic, cortisol-pumping type that never gets the chance to result in either fighting or fleeing – is partly responsible for plummeting levels, zapping your stores faster than you can say, “Sex is a stress reliever, you know.”
Meanwhile, our growing fondness of personal space also plays a part. “Millions of years ago, we were surrounded by, and touched by, lots of people every day. We even slept in rows, so our levels were always topped up. Modern life is pretty lonely. Around 50% of people over 21 live alone, far from their families. They’re probably not getting the local daily touching and contact that our forebears would have,” says Zak.
Repeat stimulation
Fear not, there is good news.
The key to keeping your O levels topped up is simple: “Have regular sex,” says Zak. “The sex you had last month doesn’t help. The brain is lazy; if you’re not maintaining oxytocin levels over time, the emotional bond starts to fade because the physiological bond has gotten weaker.”
The minor hitch: apparently we’re having less sex than ever before. An in-vogue theory as to why our sex drives are shifting into neutral comes in the form of our tech obsession; that we’re too busy being aroused by the content of our apps to bother initiating nookie with whoever may be lying next to us.
Perhaps. But there is a more certain consequence to this scenario and it relates to the neurotransmitter dopamine, the hormone that happens to create the racing-heart, still-fancy-you after- all-this-time passion that helps keep a relationship afloat.
Read more: “I had an affair with a married colleague – this is how it happened”
In Thrilled to Death: How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure is Leaving Us Numb, Dr Archibald Hart explains that being peppered with tweets, Facebook updates and Snapchat has overloaded the pleasure centres in our brains, creating a numbness that’s driving us to seek bigger and better dopamine thrills in our lives and relationships.
We’re losing our ability to gain pleasure from normally pleasurable experiences. Just as porn has been shown to desensitise men to “real” sex, so constant overstimulation is pushing many of us to find even healthy relationships boring. We seek pleasure in riskier behaviours, including affairs.
And the constant overstimulations have turned us into a nation of impatient, sex-crazed toddlers with three-quarters of millennials agreeing that they want instant gratification (and they want it now!).
The sweet mundanity of that long-term partnership not sexy enough? Screw the long-term and get your temporary kicks from a night with someone else. Right?
Chemical reactions
Still, the story runs deeper, right down to the hormonal keystones, which make women, women and men men.
Studies, including one published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, have shown that men with high testosterone levels are more likely to be unfaithful, whereas for women, oestrogen seems to be the cheating catalyst – high levels of the oestrogenic compound, oestradiol, have been linked to high rates of infidelity.
It’s a peculiarly current problem. It turns out that modern lifestyle factors are sending our oestrogen levels soaring. The adipose tissue in our expanding waistlines converts other hormones into oestrogen, the contraceptive Pill floods our systems with yet more of it, and, yes, the post-work slew of cocktails makes a difference too – even moderate alcohol intake is associated with heightened oestrogen levels.
“The oestrogen-removal process in the liver can break the oestrogen down, but if your lifestyle dictates high levels of external toxins, then your liver is put under added pressure and can often fall behind,” explains pharmacist Rita Arora.
Read more: Here’s whether you should confront the other woman about an affair
Of course, it’s not that simple. But it’s part of the bigger picture, another pulling force in the maelstrom of modern infidelity.
The good news is that there are relatively doable strategies to cheat-proof your relationship, even if genetics and life are writing a far more complicated script for you.
“There are three things that we know from brain scans that are linked to long-term happy relationships,” says Fisher. “The first is the area for empathy, the second is the region controlling your emotions, and the third is what we call ‘positive illusions’, a brain region that enables you to overlook the negative and focus on the positive.”
Work on all three areas, she says, and you really will reduce the chances of infidelity.
And for all that the labs full of Casanova voles, cheating twins and oestrogen-sodden mice can teach us, one thing is sure – opportunity is the final piece of the puzzle.
Want to safeguard yourself from your own biology? Don’t end up drunk in a hotel room with that colleague you’ve always had a crush on. Delete that online dating profile that you’ve never bothered deactivating because, well, sometimes it’s just fun to look.
It’s almost scientific surety that if you can, you will. Make sure you can’t.
This article was originally featured on www.womenshealthsa.co.za
Image credit: iStock
NEXT ON HEALTH24X
News24.com | Ramaphosa, Dlamini-Zuma both claim ANC presidential victory
If you believe the supporters of ANC MP and presidential hopeful Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma, she has already secured 2 911 votes ahead of the ANC’s elective conference – giving her a comfortable lead over her rival, Deputy President Cyril Ramaphosa.
If you believe Ramaphosa’s detailed data, he has 2 760 votes – also more than enough to win the race.
There are three weeks to go before the elective conference gets under way at Nasrec, south west of Johannesburg, and with branch nominations closing today, the propaganda machines have moved into full throttle.
Both sides have been busy playing psychological games, claiming that they have surpassed the magical 2 500 figure needed to secure victory at the conference, which will be attended by 4 723 voting delegates.
Some of the delegates will come from the ANC women’s and youth leagues.
While Ramaphosa’s team has, for weeks now, been forthcoming with detailed breakdowns of what they claim to be results from branch general meetings, the Dlamini-Zuma camp has been more reticent.
It is only this week that her backers came forward to counter this narrative with its own optimistic numbers.
Meetings of the provincial general councils have already begun, with more of them set to take place this week.
These councils will consolidate nominations in the provinces and pronounce on the candidate preferred by the province.
It is expected that the Western Cape, the Eastern Cape, the Northern Cape, Limpopo and Gauteng will all back Ramaphosa.
The Free State, the North West and KwaZulu-Natal are expected to support Dlamini-Zuma.
Mpumalanga is still the mystery province as its chair and premier, David Mabuza, has been cagey on the matter.
The youth and women’s leagues are counted as provinces in the conference.
NO SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
Insiders in the Dlamini-Zuma campaign told City Press this week that even investors who were previously hostile towards their campaign have been reaching out for talks because they now recognise her chances of securing a win.
While certain of a victory, the Dlamini-Zuma camp said they were having “sleepless nights” over the possibility of yet another split in the ANC.
“Remember, our candidate has been the only one to emphasise that she will stay on in the party even if she does not make it,” said a lobbyist.
“Up until now Cyril has not made that pronouncement. We know that we have won already, and that is why we are coming out with the figures.
“What we don’t want is another split in the organisation. We are concerned that those from the other side have already let it slip that they would leave the ANC if our candidate wins.”
A member of the national executive committee (NEC) loyal to Dlamini-Zuma cautioned against the camp’s numbers, saying they were slightly inflated.
“Ramaphosa will pass the 2 000 mark, if I am being honest. There are two provinces where we have given ourselves too much credit, but even so we are going to win at the conference. That part is a done deal,” said the NEC member.
The insider also conceded to unexpected victories by the Ramaphosa camp in places like the Free State, which was considered a Dlamini-Zuma stronghold because the province’s chair and premier, Ace Magashule, has been pushing the slate.
The Dlamini-Zuma camp has also taken issue with what they deem to be “abuse” of ANC social-media pages, claiming that they have been promoting Ramaphosa’s events even when they are “factional”.
“We have approached the communications team about it. We cannot be having people in Siyavuma shirts all over official ANC pages.
“When we meet comrade Cyril in the NEC, he is not the campaign head of Siyavuma, he is the deputy president of the ANC, so we must not allow abuse of those pages. It sends the wrong message to our members,” a lobbyist said.
CHRISTMAS VIGIL
Certain of victory, the Ramaphosa camp is said to be planning a strategy meeting immediately after the elective conference ends on December 20 to finalise a road map for the following few months.
The plan is to have the meeting sit until Christmas Eve.
The meeting will work on a draft message for the January 8 anniversary statement and then work out how to exercise power moving forward, including in areas of governance.
City Press understands that while the Ramaphosa side is confident it will win, it has been kept busy this week logging disputes and appeals particularly in KwaZulu-Natal, where it is expected that some branch general meetings will be instructed to go for a re-run.
NEC deployees to that province are likely to be sitting even today listening to grievances about the meetings, which, the camp says, have been run irregularly and, in some cases, were prevented from sitting at all.
ANC secretary-general Gwede Mantashe said this week that teams had gone all over the country to look into appeals.
“We dealing with disputes as branch general meetings (BGMs) are being run. We are being pushed to reconvene those meetings,” he said, declining to say exactly how many grievances had been lodged.
ZUMA’S LAST SUPPER
In an unexpected twist this week, outgoing ANC president Jacob Zuma – believed to be backing Dlamini Zuma – hosted a dinner for all seven presidential hopefuls in a gathering dubbed “the last supper”.
Although regarded with suspicion by supporters of some of the candidates, Zuma insists that the meeting was in the interests of ensuring unity and holding a dignified campaign and conference.
“This comes after I had first raised the matter with the officials of the ANC as an outgoing president of the ANC, taking into account the activities of the campaigning that is being done within the organisation and what is happening – and taking into account the example of what comrades have done in one or two other conference in the past, I was worried about the coming conference, which is being looked at very seriously not only by the ANC but also by the world,” Zuma said, refusing to elaborate on his concerns regarding this conference.
Insiders said the candidates were invited on Wednesday by Zuma, who is said not to have done much talking but to have allowed them to converse among themselves.
THE DARK HORSES HOLDING OUT
Lobbyists of another presidential hopeful, treasurer-general Zweli Mkhize, this week also expressed deep concerns with the running of BGMs in eThekwini, KwaZulu-Natal’s biggest region.
They say they have been presenting evidence showing bullying and intimidation at BGMs which were supposed to nominate Mkhize. They claim that, in some instances, Metro police were used to intimidate members.
Although Mkhize’s name has not gained much popularity for the top job, he appears as deputy president, as does Human Settlements Minister Lindiwe Sisulu, yet another presidential hopeful.
And, although Mkhize was initially touted to be the deputy on the Ramaphosa side – and later dropped – his lobbyists say that he is appearing on the Dlamini-Zuma slate as her deputy in KwaZulu-Natal.
BREAKING WITH TRADITION
The ANC announced that the party would break with the tradition of voting for the top six positions in one go, and instead have the presidential election first before moving on to the other five positions.
“Previously, people have gone to the conference with six names. As part of abolishing slates this time around, we say, we will elect the president’s position first and then announce it,” ANC spokesperson and NEC member Zizi Kodwa told City Press yesterday.
“Then you ask the one who did not make it: ‘Are you available for deputy president?’
“Usually if a slate wins, the one who loses does not even have a chance to be deputy because they are not on the other slate. So, it is an attempt to abolish slates.
“It has to be adopted at conference. It is an NEC desire which we hope conference will adopt. It was, of course, discussed at the last sitting.
“It is not a constitutional amendment; it is an election process which the election agency will facilitate if conference accepts,” Kodwa said.
The ANC Youth League’s KwaZulu-Natal chairperson, Kwazi Mshengu – a Dlamini-Zuma supporter – said this week that they had no issue with the proposal, but added that it was by no means an automatic appointment.
“We have no issue allowing that process, but if that person decides to stand for deputy president, conference will still vote them into the position, so they could still lose out. It is not automatic.”
NEC member and Dlamini-Zuma supporter Pule Mabe welcomed Zuma’s dinner initiative, saying it had been done in the spirit of unity.
Project Assistant (cape Town, Southern Peninsula)
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Fitness Coach (sales Person)
Are you a sporty person thatâÂÂs passionate about fitness? A global weight loss franchise requires a full-time fitness coach. We are looking for a person that is passionate, goal driven, determined & an energetic team player. Excellent people skills and service orientation is crucial. Multi-tasking across all activities is a requirement – marketing, referrals, circuit training, cold calling & sales. Key Requirements: • Qualification and/or experience in the fields of exercise & nutrition is an advantage • Goal driven individual that can work towards targets • Follow instructions, processes & systems • Strong interpersonal & communication skills – bilingual in English & appropriate 2nd language • A working knowledge in Microsoft Office (Basic computer skills) • Ability to work independently • Able to work under pressure in a fast-paced environment • High personal integrity along with a willingness to grow your career. (Ongoing training is provided, with future study opportunities as a career path.) • Participation in all club activities, making work fun. • Sound Health to support physical activities – Medical Certificate Required • Valid driver’s license with own transport Key Responsibilities: • Fitness: Coaching internationally researched programs in a professional, safe & enthusiastic manner • Nutritional coaching: Understand, practice & execute health, diet & nutritional practices • Nutritional & Fitness assessments with the aim of patiently guiding clients towards their goals • Sales, Marketing & Promotional activities • Administrative tasks Remuneration: R25 per hour + Commission Additional: Internationally accredited training & skills development provided. Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted. To apply for this great opportunity please upload your CV ensuring your reference number is PE000229
Sport24.co.za | Boks praised for clinical performance in tough conditions
Cape Town – Springbok coach Allister Coetzee praised his team for getting the job done by beating Italy 35-6 in very difficult conditions in Padova on Saturday.
READ: Bok ratings – Monster truck day…
The Springboks kept the Azzurri tryless for their biggest victory in Italy since 1997, while the haul of five tries was the most scored by the South Africans on Italian turf since 2001.
Coetzee was especially pleased with the performance of the Springbok forwards, who did a splendid job against a determined home onslaught in the Test, which was played in persistent rain and very slippery conditions.
“I think it was a very clinical effort by especially our pack of forwards, who laid the foundation for a pleasing performance,” said Coetzee.
“And the backs adapted well in being direct. You have to work very hard up here in the Northern Hemisphere and be able to adjust your game, which I thought we did very well.
“Our composure was good throughout the match, and I have to praise the team’s leadership, who were yet again outstanding. We had a plan and they ensured we stuck to it.
“Our set piece was excellent and although the conditions were not good for our backs, they contributed with a very good defensive effort to help keep our opponents scoreless,” added Coetzee.
Four of the Springbok tries were scored by forwards, and Coetzee was satisfied with the effort of the starting pack as well as the replacement forwards.
Francois Louw crossed the tryline in the 13th minute, and he was followed by Bongi Mbonambi, Francois Venter, Steven Kitshoff and Franco Mostert, all of whom scored their first Test tries in the Green and Gold.
eNCA | Two killed in Limpopo crash
TZANEEN – Two women, believed to be in their late 30s, were killed when their car veered off the road and rolled several times along the Bushvalley Road near Tarentaalrand in Tzaneen in Limpopo late on Saturday afternoon, paramedics said.
“Shortly before 5pm, paramedics from ER24 and other services arrived on the scene where they found the vehicle several metres into a nearby veld. Sadly, both occupants of the vehicle [had] already succumbed to their injuries,” ER24 spokesman Werner Vermaak said.
African News Agency
eNCA | ‘Give raped women privacy,’ minister tells police
GA-MARIA, Mpumalanga – Communications Minister Mmamoloko Kubayi-Ngubane has appealed to police officers to refrain from openly talking to rape victims in front of other people when they report at police stations and to rather assist them privately.
“If a child arrives at the police station and says, ‘I have been raped’, she must not be put in the spotlight for everyone to hear what happened to her,” Kubayi-Ngubane told a crowd of about 2,000 people during the launch of the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children campaign in Ga-Maria village.
“The abuse starts when you just assault a woman in the house. If there is a man who waits for children on the corner on their way to school, that’s abuse. Let us stand up and fight abuse against women and children,” she said.
Kubayi-Ngubane called on police officers “not to laugh at” but rather assist men who also reported abuse they suffered at the hands of their female partners.
She urged women to report abusive husbands or boyfriends to police even if the men were the only ones supporting them financially.
“If you say a father is a breadwinner and let us protect him [from the police], he is going to abuse all the children in your home and those of your neighbours.”
The launch was attended by various government departments and other stakeholders, including the communications department and the Mpumalanga community safety department.
South African Police Service Major-General Christina Sithole said some men in Mpumalanga were raping children and offering the parents money to keep silent.
“You must report these rapes because the life of a child gets ruined from the day she is raped,” he said.
African News Agency
for Rent. R 25 000 : 3.0 BEDROOM TOWNHOUSE TO LET IN MOUNT EDGECOMBE… South Africa Property Portal
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for Sale. R 695 000 : 3.0 BEDROOM HOUSE FOR SALE IN NEWLANDS WEST… South Africa Property Portal
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Price: R 695 000 in NEWLANDS WEST, DURBAN, KWAZULU-NATAL, SOUTH AFRICA 3.0 BEDROOM HOUSE FOR SALE IN NEWLANDS WEST |
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