Pleasuring yourself is the safest, simplest, most easily satisfying kind of “sex”. But it has a complicated stigma attached to it; everybody is doing it, but not everybody talks about it.

As children, some of us were told that masturbation causes blindness, and we still have a way to go before masturbation is seen as a healthy, normal part of women’s sexuality.

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For every proud proclaimer of solitary sex there’s another who offers a disclaimer like, “I was desperate, bored or too tired for intercourse.” We need to stop thinking of masturbation as an excuse and see it for what it is. Here, the facts, excerpted from Getting Off by Jamye Waxman.

1. It’s more acceptable for men

Our vulvas are not perceived as the veritable joystick his penis is, and so we look down at our genitals as if they were second-class citizens. We’re taught that our vaginas are for making babies and not for sexual pleasure, and nobody teaches us about our clitoris, therefore we believe we’re designed to be less sexual than men are.

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But the truth is, we’re not. Yes, we’re different – we have monthly cycles and our bodies can more easily align with the moon – but that only goes to prove our bodies are sacred temples and we need to worship them as such.

2. It’s a poor substitute for being coupled-up

Society perpetuates the idea that we aren’t complete unless one plus one equals two; that we are supposed to sacrifice our individuality when we enter into a relationship. But as we grow up, we come to understand that happiness does not come from somebody else; we are responsible for meeting our needs and fulfilling our desires.

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At the same time, more and more women have abandoned antiquated gender stereotypes. We’re finding ways to support ourselves financially, emotionally and sexually. We’re searching for orgasms with and without partners, and we don’t expect our partners to teach us everything we need to know about our sexuality.

3. It’s not cool to masturbate if you’re in a relationship

Yes, masturbation is solo sex, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone to do it. Single people masturbate, obviously, but statistics show that women in relationships masturbate more often than their single counterparts, especially women with healthy sex lives.

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The time you spend alone with yourself is very different from the time you spend focusing on both of you. And it’s time well spent – learning things about your body that your partner may not be able to discover without your help.

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A 2007 Australian study showed that 55% of single women orgasm every time they masturbate, while only 25% of women orgasm with a partner. So why deny yourself more orgasms? Besides, women who masturbate are aroused more often than women who don’t. Unless you’re using masturbation as a crutch and a way to avoid sex with your partner, it’s totally cool to get it on alone.

^{This article was originally published onwww.womenshealthsa.co.za}

^{Image credit: iStock} 

Jamye Waxman